Teufelkreis
by Frozeninspace
Summary: Title means 'Vicious Circle' in English. What happens when Dean starts self-harming following the events of 8x05 'Blood Brothers? TW for self-harm. Hurt!Limp!Dean, Worried!Awesome!Sam. No slash, just good old brotherly fluff towards the end.


Dean was drunk for the fifth time this week, and it was only Saturday.

The last hunt had been tough, and the demon had got into a kid, and latched on. He couldn't stop playing the moment over and over again, made even worse by the fact that the demon put the kid in control just as Dean brought Ruby's knife. Add that to the fact that Sam was barely talking to him because of the whole Benny thing, and you could understand why he was pretty much at rock bottom.

Dean didn't have a clue about how to deal with it- Sam seemed to think he was absolutely fine, or just didn't care if he was or not, and Cas was gone, stuck in Purgatory, yet another weight already hanging on his lead-like conscience. He really wasn't coping this time, and he had no idea what to do. Until he remembered.

He hadn't done it in ages, not since Sam had run away all those years ago, the scars faded to pale white lines. But Dean picked up his pen knife and went into the bathroom, dragging the blade across his wrist as he went. He repeated the motion, marvelling as the sight of his blood washed away all the pain. Dean bandaged his wrist and climbed into bed, falling asleep the second he heard Sam get back in.

-

A few weeks later saw Dean in the same situation. He hadn't stopped cutting, and Sam was starting to notice something was up. He wondered why his brother was always in long sleeves, even though it was July, and also why his brother seemed so spacey. He remembered how his brother was after that time he'd run away, but surely Dean wasn't….oh no.

How could Sam have ignored this? They'd patched up their argument so they were as close as ever, but he'd been ignorant, choosing to pretend that everything was alright. Either way, his brother had always looked out for him, and now it was time to return the favour.

'Dean, what's up?'

'Nothing, why you asking?' He was immediately on the defensive.

'Because you seem really out of it, have done for the past few weeks.'

'Nope…..no different than usual.'

'Now look, I don't wanna turn this into a chick flick-'

'Then don't, and leave me the hell alone, okay?' Dean got up and stormed out, presumably to a bar to get drunk, again.

Sam sighed, and decided to leave it until Dean decided to open up.

-  
The next week, Sam went out to get food, and Dean went into the bathroom to do his ritual. He rolled up his sleeve, revealing an arm covered in cuts and scars in various stages of healing, and pressed his pen knife to his arm on a small clear place on his arm. He began to think about everything that had happened - Cas was back, and he and Sam were on good terms. He was still in contact with Benny, but he felt worse than ever. He couldn't stop thinking about all of the friends he'd lost, the family, and he subconsciously cut deeper, not realising what he'd done until he noticed the puddle of bright crimson pooling under his arm. He slid to the floor and passed out against the bath, alone.

Sam came home earlier than he'd expected and walked into the room. He called for Dean, and when he got no reply, he tried again.

'Dean? You still here?' Sam placed the food on the counter, and walked towards the bathroom door and pushed it gently 'De- oh crap!' Sam had guessed that this was what was up, but he hadn't thought it was this bad. The cut on Dean's wrist was deep, and he was lucky that he hadn't hit anything major, although the blood said otherwise. Sam looked at the criss-crossed scars on his older brother's arms, each one adding a new layer of panic. Oh god…

'Dean, wake up. Dean!' Sam shook his brother gently, which woke him up. 'Sam, wha-'

'Why didn't you tell me? I knew you weren't doing great, but this? It's not healthy, man.'

'But….couldn't handle it….'

'Then talk to me.'

'Wouldn't…..understand…..'

'Trust me, I would. Let's clean you up, hey?'

Sam put his arm under his brother, and half-carried him to the bed, where he lay down while Sam went to get the stitching kit. He applied antiseptic, which made Dean hiss in pain, before stitching up the deepest cuts before bandaging them thoroughly. Then, when his brother fell asleep, Sam started to think. He needed to talk to his brother before they set off tomorrow, lest something similar happen again in the future. Sam made his plan and went to sleep himself, the food forgotten.

-

The next morning, Dean seemed to be back to normal, but Sam wasn't convinced.

'Talk to me. And don't say there's nothing wrong, not after last night.'

'Fine. I'm not fine. You happy?'

'No. Why are you doing this to yourself?'

'Because I fuck everything up.'

'No, you don't.'

'So many people are dead because of me.'

'Not because of you. They all got themselves into this life, and they did it. It's not your fault, any more than it was your fault that Cas got stuck in Purgatory.'

'Everything's my fault, Sammy.'

'No. It's not Dean. You gotta stop this 'ultimate martyr' syndrome, man. It's not true. And look where it's got you. Slicing your arms whenever I'm not here. How am I supposed to trust you alone now?'

'Because I'm gonna stop, okay? And why do you care so much?'

'Because you're my brother, Dean. And have forgotten that I did the same thing when I started hunting again? You stopped me then. I got better. And now it's time for me to help you out.'

'Oh yeah…I guess we're both pretty fucked up, hey?'  
'Are you really surprised?'

'Nope. But promise me this; we're gonna work on this together, yeah?'

'Yeah.'

'And your love for Cas.'

'I am NOT in love with Cas, dammit Sammy!'

'Whatever you say, brother.'

'You are one annoying dork.'

And with that, Sam knew that his brother, although it would take a long time, would be alright.


End file.
